Tuesday, 1 December 2015

In loving memory, great-grandmother

I know i'm the luckiest person on earth because i get to see and know my great-grandparents so well. I'm sure that only few of us get the chance to see and meet their moyang as they're growing up.  For me its truly a bless to met them in my life. I even get the chance to take care of them when they're sick. I thank to God for this memories He gave to me and i couldn't ask for more than this. 

I lost my great-grandfather back in when i was in form 3 (2011) and after a few years my great-grandmother passed away too (28th of November 2015). 

I felt so bad now bcause i don't get the chance to pay the last respect for her today because of my final exam. Only God knows how i felt.  I cried and hide everything inside me. Goshh i feel so bad now for not being able to attend it. I pray that Jesus will always be with her and my great-grandfather. I shouldnt even be sad bcause finally for after being thru hard Moments in life both of them can meet in heaven now. I really miss my aki and odu.  

May their soul rest in peace. Amen 🙏

Monday, 9 November 2015

Life's hard.

Hi readers :')
So how was your day huh? Is it yay or nah? Mine was nah. Everytime.

Life's pretty hard, right? I just don't know why my life turns out to be like this. Can i just be a little girl forever? I'm so tired with life. Everything seems not right at all. I mean my studies, my relationship, my feelings... It's all turns out to be upside down. 

I really miss the old me. The one who reads books. The one who never even know how heartbroken was. The one who busy on maintaing her grade in school. I felt like i'm the other person now. Not the same Cassandra anymore. Can't lie that i'm growing up too fast as i need to pass all these shit things in life. 

I care too much over someone that does not even appreciate my exist. I love people that never love as much as i love them. I trust people with all my heart and they ended up broke it. You see right? Everyday is like a struggle for me to live. 

Sometimes i just hope that i can be heartless so i will never feel anything that makes me hurt. My relationship turns upside down. It's our second years now but idk. should not feel this way but thats the truth. Everything is so diffrent now. 

I should stop writing this. It's make me want to cry even more. I really need someone's shoulder now. Bye

Friday, 23 October 2015

Long lost bestfriend

STPM is just around the corner and guess what i'm still here doing nothing about it. Idk what happen with me. But that's not the thing that i want to share. 
Konon nya tadi nak buat video class untuk MSK nanti tapi macam biasalah tersesat sekejap dari tujuan utama bila buka laptop sudah. Haha

I found my hard disk dan bila tengok2 apa isi di dalam then guess what i found.....my highschool 2013 pictures. Rindu gila weyhh bila tengok balik semua pictures dalam folder tu. Then, jumpa satu gambar :- my very best friend dengan saya dalam gambar tu. Idk kenapa rasa sedih sangat bila tengok that picture. Timbul feeling regret dalam diri. I'm the one yang salah in that case. I admit that. Our friendship ruined bcause of my ego. 

She's a very smart girl. I envy everything about her back in when we're in form 2 (2010). Idk how it started. Bila ingat balik memang rasa sangat menyesal buat macam tu sampai friendship jadi renggang. Stupid me. We're so so so close masa form 1. We shared everything together. Masa form3 semuanya hancur. I miss her so much. 

Rasa lain sangat bila someone that used to be your best friend tidak rapat lagi dengan kau. Lain sangat. Rasa macam kau hilang sesuatu dalam diri. You want to talk to her but you just can't. 

Sampai sekarang both of us still contact each other tapi it feels like terbatas and awkward. You've that one bestfriend but because of you semuanya musnah. I regret that until now. She's a good friend and worth to keep. Missing you , bb. 

Wednesday, 14 October 2015

To be honest

To be honest i never regret choosing Form 6 as my way to degree later. Even i know i capable to enter others diploma courses based on my SPM result. It's so damn hard when you're being judge by others about your own choice. I still remember when one of my teacher said that there was someone who talked bout me like 'dia tidak lah tu terdedah dgn persekitaran luar..stay d tempat yg sama sj'. 

Dari awal lagi memang orang sekeliling ada yang support and ada yang tidak support saya masuk this form 6. Even until now. Sampai sekarang still ada lagi yang cakap-cakap like that. Down gila weyy bila dengar orang cakap begitu. Kau tahu kau mampu ka habiskan pengajian di tingkatan 6 ni? Lepas tu ada lagi yang cakap 'bagus kalau dapat masuk U nanti' Goshh i'm not going to lie but this made me cried so hard that time. Rasa macam hati kau di tusuk dalam dalam oleh pisau yang tajam. And the person yang cakap begitu is the person that i love the most. Tiada apa yang mustahil kan kalau berusaha. Lain lah kalau kau jenis yang tak berusaha. They never see my effort. Yang diorang tahu was cakap saja. And they make fun of it. They doesnt even know that it hurt me damn much. 

Well It's so frustrating when other people that doesn't even know wht your ambition so easily talked like tht. But idgaf bout wht they said. This is my life and i'm the one that will going to experience it not them! I've learn so much in f6. Im not going to let anybody ruin it. I just continue my journey here in f6 and now i'm on my way to finish this journey in just one months. 😊